letting the days go by…

well, eric was here this last weekend, from friday to sunday. oh, and did we have an awesome time. friday, of course, we went to the village to get some great indian food, then off to soho for drinks. madam x on houston st., funky and a little burlesque-y, fortunately has a smoking garden, allowing us to sit out back, drink, smoke, and be merry! we met up with an old orlando friend who, strangely enough, had known eric for even longer.

the next night, saturday, we started with some running around, then met up with eric’s chicago friend craig for dinner at this great restaurant in chelsea named cookshop. eric and i both enjoyed this lamb 3-way special they were having that night, along with an incredible bordeux– the ordering of which prompted the restaunt’s owner to run over to the table and serve it to us personally while recanting the story of how he came to posess this wine. apparently, while visiting a vinyard, he was brought out to a large tree in the middle of some huge field. at the foot of this tree were storm cellar doors that led down to a huge wine cellar underneath the tree, and that’s where he had gotten that wine. both the lamb and wine, thank goodness, were much better than the story.

after dinner, we went out to this season’s last Bank party at Element, courtesy of dj kevin graves. the upstairs party was sorta lame, so we hung out downstairs with all the hotties. awesome times and awesome photos were had by all (although the pics are still in my camera- will be posted soon)!

sunday we slept in. we did, fortunately, get to see a good bit of central park. and, although we didn’t get to go into the met (don’t ask), we did get to see it.

unfortunately, eric had to leave not too long after that. it was really too bad he couldn’t stay longer, but he promised that he’d be visiting again this summer. can’t wait!

movin’ on up, to the east village.part 3.return of the jedi

ok, so where we last left off, i had proposed the refined plan, the numbers, etc. for dad’s approval. well, he gave it. sort of.

he’s still not too keen on the numbers i gave him. but by his suggestions, we’ll be doing it by the week. also, i’ll be coming back in three weeks to tie up some loose ends. we’ll be holding on to my apartment and my car for back-up, eric will be holding on to gregory (my kitty), and i’ll be flying up wednesday morning. that’s right, 3 days from now.

so, now i have a lot of shit to do, and not a lot of time to do it. i need to clean my apartment (for real this time!), do all my laundry, sort through things i want to keep, give away, or throw away, see and say goodbye to all my friends. a bit of a big deal.

well, today (sunday), i’m cleaning my apartment and doing laundry. actually, almost 4:30 in the afternooon and i haven’t started, but eric, bridget, and angel are coming over soon to help. bridget and i will take oon the bathroom, and eric can take on the kitchen. i put 2 people (including myself) into the bathroom because although it’s half the size of the kitchen, it’s twice as bad. all eric has to do it throw stuff away and do a whole bunch of dishes. i have to scrub poopie and vomit off the underside of my toilet seat. eeewwwww!!!! even when it’s my own poopie and vomit.

right now, however, i’m on my way to my farewell meeting with my mom, so i have to shit, shower, and shave. when i get back, we’ll get down to the cleaning. tomorrow, i finish pressure-washing my dad’s driveway. i don’t know what else i’ll have to do, but i’m sure it’ll come to me.

movin’ on up, to the east village.part 2.the empire strikes back

so, okay, last time, we covered the conversation i had with melissa, and how it led to my decision to move back to nyc. i ownrked out a preliminary plan: crash on melissa’s couch for 30-ish days until i get a job and an apartment. i’ll need a “make ends meet” job so i can afford an apartment. apparently both are easy to come by. then, once i have my “make ends meet job,” then i can get a better job while i move into my new apt.

the problem: ~$4,500. yeah, i can’t just pull that outta my ass. but i know someone who can. my dad– who is normally more of a problem in such matters than a solution. i would, basically, need him to buy/sell my car for me to get the money, but i’d need it immediately. basically, i’d sign my car over to him for the money and he’d sell it for me.

so, after working out this plan with melissa, i call my dad. nothing could have prepare me for what he said.

well, it sounds like a good plan. may i make some suggestions?

what?! i couldn’t believe it. not only was he not initally against it, but he had a sugestion!

“okay, what’s that?” i said, nervously.

“well, you don’t seem to have much of a backup plan. what happenes if this doesn’t work out? you won’t have a car or a place to stay.” he was right. i hadn’t thought of that, but not to worry. i’m on it.

“well, i could always crash with my friend eric if it doesn’t work out,” i said back to him.

“ok, what about your car? you won’t have a car when you come back. why don’t we do this? why don’t you go up there for the month, leave your car here, and if it doesn’t work out, at least you have your car waiting,” he suggested.

“oh, well, where am i supposed to get the money if i don’t sell my car?” i asked, knowing the answer.

“well, what are your daily expenses?”

i broke it down with him. we met up, and i went over the daily itemized numbers, and how it would all pan out. long-story-short, the plan is for a weekly funding arrangement for up to $1,500 for the month. my dad will hold my car while i’m up there. if it works out then he’ll sell it. if not, i get it back when i come back.

i had to stop myself for a moment. again. i had to sit and realize what i was actually making happen– finally making them happen, and my dad is here planning it all with me. aha. that was it. that was the final piece of the dad puzzle. my life presents itself as a sort-of series of “life” puzzles involving people, places, thngs, and situations. in order to move on fromo r past a certain period in my life, i have to solve a puzzle. the soution to my dad problem was to get over my issues with him (a work in progress which has and will take years) and work together with him to get the hell out of orlando.

and here we are.

so, after all the review and some discussions of trying to lower the daily numbers, he had to leave for the airport. in fact, he might have (didn’t) missed his flight by staying to discuss this with me. in any case, he says he’s leaving now, and that he’ll call me the next day after he’s thought about it. and now it’s the next day, and i wait for the call. i’m sure it’ll only take a little more elbow grease, but i’ll get him on board!

(continued in part 3)

next time, what did my dad say when he called the next day?

movin’ on up, to the east village.part 1.a new hope

that’s right, you read correctly; i will be moving back to nyc sometime within the week. all thanks to my friend melissa and a little help from my father.

yesterday, i was driving home from my friend bridget’s house, and my friend melissa calls me. for those of you just tuning in, melissa is a friend of mine from here in orlando who moved to nyc last november. long-story-short, i was complaining and bitching about my difficulties with finding a proper design job here in orlando, the low rate of pay, and other things i generally hate about orlando (if i get into a blogging flurry between now and he time i leave, perhaps i shall list them.)

anyway, melissa just shoots back at me, “why don’t you just move up here already?” we’d discussed meeting up there at some point in the future, as i have been planning to move back there eventually for some time now. we continued to discuss how i’m sorta reaching the end of my financial line here, and even my best prospects here are unlikely at best. “ya know,” i thought to myself, “my lease is almost up, my car insurance is sure to jump after that last ticket,…” and as i thought for a few more seconds, i realized there was more of a confluence of circumstance than first met the eye.

“adam? are you there?” asks melissa from the other line.

“yeah, sorry, i was just realizing not only how easy it will be for me to just pick up and move, but also the amazing amount of things that seem to be coming together for this out of coincidence. my lease on my apartment is amost up, selling my car would provide precisely enough to fund this whole adventure, my car insurance is already going to shoot through the room from this last ticket i got, i can easily get some shit waiter job and make ends meet while getting a place then getting a better job. all i have to do is go up there with some clothes, my powerbook, my kitty, and $1500 for a month’s worth of living expenses (food, smokes, etc.) and bust my ass online and on my feet getting shit all set up before the may 1 deadline.”

it came out really quickly, though, so it didn’t come off as a giant tirade. anyhow, her only reply to this was, “maybe it’s not a coincidence.”

after getting off the phone with her with the promise to discuss this with my father. i begin to mull this over in my mind, trying to figure out exactly what i’ll need by way of food, money, and resources for that first month, what are my objectives, what are my intermediate goals, all of that crap. how much will each meal cost on average? how much are cigarettes in nyc($8!)? while i’m running all over town looking for a job and apartment, i’ll get pretty thirsty. not really water fountains in nyc, so i’ll prolly have to go for bottled something at, like, $5 a pop. not to mention how i’m to be getting around the city ($78 +tax for a 30-day MetroCard).

anyhow, after some estimating and figuring, surmising, and, ultimately, concluding that the nice, round figure of $1,500 would be the perfect amount for exactly 30 days of this. this is the breakdown:

• $15 1st meal (~$8-9 meal +drink)
• $15 2nd meal (~$8-9 meal +drink)
• $15 ciggys and other incidentals

$45/day for 30 days is $1,350

add in that ~$80 metrocard and ~$70 for other incidentals (toiletries– i happened to run out of everything all at once, right now. even my shampoo is in on this!), and you get the nice, tasty round number $1,500

after that, then there’s the money i’ll need to secure an apartment. first month’s rent, last month’s rent, plus a security deposit, each up to $1,000 each and probably totalling to about $3,000.

so, i’ve gotten the money all worked out, time to check the job prospects. a quick glance on craigslist shows more posts in a day than in three weeks here in orlando. and they’re quality links, too. i can’t imagin having a problem here. and, remember, this is the job i want, not the crap job i might have to get to make ends meet until i get a decent job. oh, yeah, and the crap job to make ends meet? if i have to get one, it won’t be difficult, and it won’t be long. i’m gay, so being a waiter is in my blood, and in nyc, they hire based on personality and looks, so no problem. and of the 10,000+ restaurants in nyc, certainly one of them is hiring. another bonus of the “if i have to get a waiting job for a little while” scenario is that earning tips is instant cash, no waiting 2-4 weeks for your first paycheck.

apartment? well, according to melissa, she was able to find someone looking for a roommate within 2 days on craigslist, take care of all of the paperwork, and move in. bam. done. fabulous.

ok, so it seems like i have all this planned out very succinctly in my head. now there’s just one thing: i’m going to need this $1500 for a month up there and possibly up to $3000 just to move into an apartment. well, i think to myself, i certainly won’t need my car up there. i’m sure i can get at least five grand for it. if do, then i’ll be all set! now here’s where my father comes in…

(continued in part 2)

check back to see what happened when i proposed this plan to my father. suffice it to say, i was suprised by his reponse…

well, this weekend went well…

yeah, it was my birthday weekend. i’m 28 now. whoopty-doo.

i don’t feel all that great about it. i always tend to get down on myself around my birthday for not being an astronaut or whatever. but at least i was with a bunch of friends this weekend.

another dog has his day…

it’s coming. that day i dread. it comes once a year, and i hate it. it is always disappointing. it’s always a let-down. it always ends in tears.

it’s my birthday. next thursday, the 15th.

i haven’t had a birthday party since i was a little boy. when i went to boarding school, we couldn’t exactly have a party. my birthday typically fell over spring break, where i’d be skiing in colorado with my family. and while that was cool, it wasn’t for my birthday. my family would have been skiing then anyhow. sure we’d go out to dinner to have a special birthday dinner, but it wasn’t any different than another dinner we had while we were there, save a “happy birthday” song and a stupid little cake from the servers.

in college, i didn’t even celebrate my birthdays. i didn’t want to be around my family, and celebrating my birthday was always a reminder of how disappointing my birthdays (or any family event for that matter) has never failed to depress or disappoint. sure i get a nice dinner every year and presents. sure everyone wishes me a happy birthday and gets me cards.

but no one means it. it’s as empty as a desert landscape. sure there’s a billboard or two, but they’re worn by the sand and the wind, faded over time, and completely two-dimensional. i will take this time to document exactly how my family completely ruins my birthday every year.

my father wishes me happy birthday because he’s supposed to and doesn’t really know what else to do. he hopes things go well during the dinner he treats me and my brothers to, and i’m pleased and contented with a dinner. it’s a nice gesture, but as unsatisfying as the really impersonal birthday card containing an Affection I.O.U. (aka a $500 check). seriously. this is the kind of man from whom those cheesy “coupons” for hugs would have been of real value. too bad he was the only one to never issue nor redeem such a thing. i guess going out and getting me a thoughtful gift is really just too hard for some people.

my mother, when she’s not perched on a pedestal, hanging from a cross, riding a high horse, or some other symbol of her self-rightousness, she’s overcompensating for my father’s heart of stone. and while i appreciate the effort, it completely invalidates any affection or concern she may actually have. it comes off as desperately not genuine. sometimes she will try to get me a gift, but with every attempt, she only proves how much she doesn’t know me and probably never will.

my next-youngest brother rory cares about nothing other than himself or what might affect him. ever. sure he’ll act all happy to be there (as he’s always happy at an opportunity to dine out), and may actually have a genuine wish that i have a happy birthday, but that’s where it ends. he’d feel the same way for a random stranger.

my youngest brother, alex, typically genuinely wishes that i have a happy birthday, but, through his actions and words, obviously won’t let that get in the way of his happiness. as soon as conversation goes beyond “hi, how’ve you been?” it all goes wrong. it’s different every year, but it’s always bad. this year, it will be that awful fiancee of his along with her daughter. just having them there will ruin everything. plus he’s a prick.

my friends, on the other hand, actually care. they come though for me to varying degrees.

eric will go all the way and get me a cad and a little gift, for which i am always grateful. since he’s the only one who gets me something for reasons other than obligation, it’s the only gift ever worth mentioning. last year, he got me this awesome martini set.

bridget and angel also go all the way, in their own way. like me, their means are limited. still, they go beyond just to make a friend have a happy birthday. they get me a card and give me all sorts of attention. i love them!

but the point is that nobody really celebrates my birthday. i get some cards, a very uncomfortable family dinner (sans mom), another with mom, but sans dad, and a couple of checks.

i don’t want money or presents, though. i don’t want pretentious dinners with acerbic family members. i just want someone to actually be happy that i’ve been around for another year, to be happy to see me. i wanna feel loved.